Politely Turn Down Food at Parties and Gatherings

– By Erin Whitehead, SparkPeople Contributor

During the holiday season, food temptations are everywhere. From stuffing and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving to eggnog and sugar cookies in December, the seasonal temptations are endless. It can be tough enough to navigate the turkey buffet without having your great aunt force an extra helping of potatoes on your plate or resisting Grandma Dolly’s pleas that you take a second piece of her famous apple pie.

Food pushers range from well-intentioned loved ones to total diet saboteurs. Regardless of their motivation, it’s important to stick to your guns. You can always be honest and say that you’re simply trying to eat healthier, but if that response gets ignored (or doesn’t come easily), the following retorts to their food-forcing ways will keep you in control of what goes on your plate and in your mouth!

Note: These tips work year-round at birthday parties, family get-togethers and Sunday brunches with friends alike!

The Push: “It’s my specialty, you have to try it!”

The Push: “This [insert name of high-calorie dish] is my favorite. You’ll love it!”

The Push: “It’s just once a year!”

The Push: “Looks like someone is obsessed with dieting…”

The Push: “If you don’t try my dish, I’m just going to have to force you to eat it!”

The Push: “You need some meat on your bones.”

The Push: “One bite isn’t going to kill you.”

The Push: “But it’s your favorite!”

The Push: [Someone puts an extra helping on your plate without you asking.]

The Push: “We have so many leftovers. Take some!”

These tactics can work wonders in social situations, but honesty is sometimes the best policy. A simple “No, thank you” is hard for a food pusher to beat, especially if it’s repeated emphatically. Remember, too, that it’s okay to have treats in moderation, so don’t deprive yourself of your favorite holiday foods. Just make sure that you’re the one in control of your splurges—not a friend, family member or co-worker who doesn’t know your fitness and health goals!

Compliments of Spark People

As morbidly obese people, many of us didn’t think very highly of ourselves. It’s more comfortable to blend into the wallpaper and not call attention to one’s existence. No one wants to be the 300-pound gorilla in the room – literally.  At my largest size I was already self-conscious without making waves – and then come the food pushers trying to knock me off my game.

We naturally go to great lengths to please others – we want to be liked, we want to blend, and be “normal”. We don’t realize until after the weight is gone that feeling this way is human – people of all sizes can be people pleasers!

These are dangerous qualities during the holidays; especially if this is your first post op holiday season.

“Grandma baked her famous Pineapple Upside Down Cake with all that gooey caramel on top!”

“We have so much leftover Halloween candy I brought it to the office to get rid of it – have a mini-Snickers, they are tiny!”

“You have to try one of my homemade gingerbread men, they are delicious!”

“A small piece of fudge won’t hurt you, it’s Christmas!”

“You have to have just a little. You have to at least TRY IT. Just a little taste, you have lost so much weight. “

“We’re having Grandma’s yeast rolls and she made them for you! They are your favorite.”

It’s important to anticipate problems and think of how you are going to say “no”and mean it. Otherwise you won’t stand a chance when the professional food pushers come out for the holidays.

You can’t wing it. Did we ever “just say no” in the past to the incredible holiday bounty? No, of course we didn’t, which is why we were morbidly obese in the first place.

In order to obtain a different result, we have to change the way we do things. Or in plain speak – if you do what you always do you are going to get what you’ve always got!  Think about THAT one!

When we are offered a gooey, melting, warm chocolate chip cookie, there comes a pivotal moment where we have a decision in front of us. We can go either way and there is that split second where we can be impulsive and take it, or we can TAKE CHARGE and firmly say ‘NO THANK YOU!’

If it makes you feel better to say “No thank you, I am a diabetic” or “No thank you, I can’t have sugar”, then do it. Sometimes we feel the need to explain ourselves. I have witnessed bariatric friends give their entire medical history to a waiter at The Outback, when “please leave the potato OFF my plate”  would have sufficed. Don’t tell people about your lapband or gastric sleeve  – just tell them that you don’t want them to refill your glass of iced tea – period.

To actually say no to someone takes decent boldness and PRACTICE, as it obviously did NOT come naturally in our pre-op life.  While I may sound silly, we all need to practice being assertive. Later tonight, tomorrow morning, in the bathroom, practice turning down food.  Say it to yourself in the mirror until it sounds like you mean it. “Wow, that really looks delicious, but no thank you, I am not eating sugar.” Don’t make a funny face, or shift from foot to foot or make it sound PAINFUL that you can’t have it – stand firm, have a little backbone and say it like you mean it. It is our choice to have a cookie or to NOT have a cookie – own it!

Always compliment the food, tell them how good it looks, then firmly turn it down. Again – “Wow, that really looks delicious, but no thank you, I am not eating sugar.”

If you think that saying no, or not eating what has been given to you puts you in the spotlight, you are sadly overestimating how much attention people pay to what you are eating. People really don’t care about your plate and how much you are eating. They are looking at their plate and are concentrating on their food, not yours!

If someone does mention that you are not eating much?  So what? Let it roll right off your shoulders. They are just making conversation. Not eating Aunt Betty’s pecan pie and living with new habits that gave you your life back is more important than what people think.

Develop a *SO WHAT* attitude. Family and friends want to see you at a family gathering and are not there to take a poll of what you eat. NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU EAT.

Have you ever looked up from your plate about five minutes into Thanksgiving dinner and noticed that you are the only one looking up while everyone has their head down shoveling food? Make a point to try that this month… and it will cure you of ever worrying about what others think of your eating habits.

YOU FEEL: Concerned that people will notice that you are not eating that much.

TELL YOURSELF: So what? I am entitled to eat however I please. And if someone wants to know why, you can say ‘I’m trying to eat healthier’ and change the subject

YOU FEEL: Rude for turning down a second helping

TELL YOURSELF: Taking care of my health is more important than pleasing the host.

YOU FEEL: That you have been good and deserve a treat.

TELL YOURSELF: Every decision I make about food counts. I can find other ways to celebrate a special occasion.

YOU FEEL: Everyone is staring at you, pressuring you to eat

TELL YOURSELF: Be strong – smart eating is more important than everyone’s approval. Follow that with a firm ‘NO THANKS’ Repeat if necessary.

No one wants to be a killjoy at Thanksgiving or a family get-together. But when it comes to dealing with the temptations of the season’s high-calorie bounty, you don’t have to be a Grinch.

You do need a plan, says Susan J. Bartlett, Ph.D., an associate director of clinical psychology at Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center in Baltimore and a specialist in weight and eating disorders. Last year, she led a small group at the center through the following eat-right strategies. Her expertise and her students’ experiences provide practical lessons for anyone to try.

It Just Keeps Going
The holiday season consists of nearly two months of celebrating, says Bartlett, with goodies appearing in homes and offices at Thanksgiving and continuing until the beginning of January.

“By Christmas, most of the plans to eat less and exercise more have dwindled, and it’s easy to gain a significant amount of weight, even seven to 10 pounds,” she notes. One way to monitor your intake over time: Keep track of your daily habits and set weekly goals around food intake and exercise.

Realize the Challenge
“At any time of the year, losing weight and keeping it off is very difficult,” says Bartlett. “Holidays are an especially high-risk time.” The idea that you should stick to a “diet to lose pounds” is adding stress to an already stressful season.

Set achievable goals, suggests Bartlett.  You’re much more likely to stick to your plan and succeed if you set your expectations more realistically, aiming to maintain your weight or to minimize weight gain to, say, one to three pounds.

Write It Down
When you’ve figured out your goals, write them down and keep a diary of what you eat. “When researchers talk to people who are successful at losing weight and keeping it off, they inevitably say that writing everything down made the biggest difference. It’s that willingness to stay in touch with what you’re eating that’s important,” Bartlett explains.

Even more critical is keeping track of your weight: Group members weighed in every week. “People say this accountability factor makes a big difference,” notes Bartlett. “Often, people avoid the scale because they don’t want to come face-to-face with the news.” But if you detect a two to three pound gain, there’s still time to get back on track before things escalate.

Buddy Up
It’s easy to underestimate the toll that the season takes — physically, psychologically, and emotionally. To avoid gaining weight, you need commitment and awareness. It’s best to do this with a group of people — even one or two friends or a close buddy — whom you can call upon to talk about eating concerns.

In Bartlett’s group, members “got specific” when providing one another with support, preparing strategies for potentially troublesome situations coming up that week. For instance, how would someone manage her food intake with three holiday parties in a row? When the group got together the following week, they’d review how things had gone.

Identify Difficult Situations
Barbara Bohner, a 55-year-old elementary-school guidance counselor, who has worked with Bartlett since last December, has her own trick for getting through parties: “I eat raw vegetables or a piece of fruit before I go out, so I have something in my stomach. I don’t drink any alcohol; instead, I try to hold a glass of sparkling water, so I feel like I’m doing something with my hands. And I try to talk more than I eat.”

Martha Barchowsky, a 43-year-old businesswoman who has lost more than 100 pounds, stated, “Last year I had a New Year’s Eve party; I served everyone champagne to toast the holiday, but I had sparkling water in my champagne flute. It’s not the champagne that matters; the real deal is that you’re celebrating with your good friends.”
Compliments of:  Avoid Holiday Weight Gain – Tips for Eating Right During the Holidays – Good Housekeeping